Dependency is Not a Bad Word — Here’s Why

Neulich trafen wir Nishargo in einem Co-Working Space. Sie arbeitet im Bereich Mental Health Apps und hat einen Beitrag zu einem Thema geschrieben, was uns im Rahmen von MATCH LATER sehr interessiert. “Abhängigkeit” und wie wir sie bewerten. Meist negativ? Stimmt. Ein Thema, dem man sich gut mal widmen kann. Denn es spielt eine große Rolle, wie wir uns in sozialen Räumen bewegen, wie wir Beziehungen eingehen im privaten aber auch beruflichen Raum.

I am sure you have heard phrases like the ones below a thousand times in your life already:

“Don’t trust anyone.

You are alone in this world and you shouldn’t depend on anybody but yourself.

You will be let down by others. Learn to live with yourself. Don’t ask for help unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Have you ever questioned that thought? I feel these statements often come from a place of constant hurt and disappointment.

Photo taken at a Match Later event @ Büchercafé Kapitel DREI

“Dependency Paradox” is a recognized concept. The idea behind this is that you feel truly independent when you have people to rely on. In the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love”, researchers Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explained how couples essentially make up a single physiological unit rather than being two distinct individuals. Their spouses control their heart rate, hormones, and blood pressure. Even on a biological level, they have a profound effect on one another.

In this modern world, we talk about being alone and independent so much that we tend to forget we are social animals. We consider dependency a negative word. We are supposed to make friend groups, meaningful connections, and humans to do activities with. We need shoulders to cry on, people who we can trust and be vulnerable with. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or longing for a connection. None should feel guilty about craving intimacy or wanting to be loved.

Spend time with the ones who are emotionally available for you; good for your mental health, growth, and development; individuals who are spiritual and mature. Your time, energy, and efforts are important. Make sure you are investing them in the right group of people. You will notice how being able to depend on trustworthy peers will set you free.

Thank you Nishargo for this input!

Follow Nishargo on her blog on Medium.